Where I Wander

     In less than 11 days I will be heading out of the country to Uganda.  This is my first mission trip out of the country, so why not make it half way around the world?!  My brain is currently on overload: What do I pack?  What will I eat?  Can I take traveling for so long (I get tired of the car in 3 hours and we’re heading into 30+ hours)?  These are some of the minor things circling my mind.            

     Then I realized, my mind is wandering into much more dangerous territory.  At times during the day I find my self listening to the evil voice in my ear that doesn’t question my trip but brings up all of my insecurities.  Normally, I take these thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to God) but lately, without realizing, I’ve been listening.  I have no doubt that this is the enemy trying to steal my joy and kill my spirit for doing God’s work and going where God wants me.  Traveling to Uganda to care for God’s children is not where the enemy wants me, so why not wear me down before I go?  

     I’m currently in a bible study called “Duty or Delight” (which, honestly I can’t say without a little giggle).  As I sat in the study yesterday we were talking about what the enemy says to each of us.  To me he says, “Who are you to teach and lead these teenage girls?  You don’t know nearly enough about the bible and are struggling to remember the verses you are challenging the girls to memorize.”  Followed by, “You should be doing what she’s doing.  Look what she did with her girls.  You’ll never be that good.”  

     At that moment, a light dawned on me (no doubt THE Light).  God knows my heart.  He knows that I love Him and want to do whatever and go wherever he leads me.  He knows that I love all of “my girls” with all of my heart and want to share His love for them with them.  I don’t want them to wait until they’re 35 to “get it” like I did, it’s just too good to wait.  I may not know enough of the verses (always learning) but I do know each of my girls.  God cares about my heart, not my head knowledge and is teaching me something new every day.  So I thought, “What do the girls want from me?”.  They want a relationship.  They want someone who genuinely cares about them, who will be there for them when they think no one else will, and most of all, to show them the love of Jesus.  

What does God want from me?  The same thing!   He is all of those things and more for me and He wants me to rest there!  He wants a relationship!  Not my head knowledge.  He wants my heart to break for what breaks His.  He wants me to follow him with all of my heart.  There is nothing I can give God except me.  

So today I choose to follow Him, listen to Him, and go with Him.  I will not wander in the depths of the enemy but will walk in the lit path of my Savior. (Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet, a light on my path.)


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